Stormtroopers

Auras

This is the color of my aura and the explanation.

My aura shines Red!

What Color is your Aura?

Ran into this on a friend's blog, thought it was interesting, what do you think?

Secrets

I was listening to the radio today, and the host brought up an interesting question.
She said that there are just some secret you should never tell. Not because of trust, (which would be my first thought,) but because "...if there are things that you don't want known, then you should keep them to yourself!"

Now ain't that one hellova concept! It is damn near impossible because you always have that one person that you would trust unswervingly with your life. She then touched on that point. "...If you only have one person that you know you can trust with ''the'' secret because you feel the need for whatever reason, you have to remember that they may have someone that they trust that way. And It may not be you. So now two people know your secret and you only know about one." She went on to give examples of times within which it may be best to hold back. "If you begin the conversation with someone like 'I know I can tell you because you won't tell nobody,...' or 'You have to swear you won't tell what I'm going to tell you...' these are obviously things you should keep to yourself!"

Now I wonder of all the people who listened to her show on 104.9 today, went on with the rest of their day starting conversations the exact same way?! Did you talk to any people between the ages of 16-55 today? Were they African-Americans who live in the St. Louis area? Did they drive/ride in a car this morning?

If so, then they didn't pay attention.

The Auspices of Polite Society

How does a sane person dole out condolences to the traumatized and the begrieved?
I sure as shit don't know how. You can call it a lack of emotional character, or you can say I am avoiding facing my emotions.

I just read two things a few minutes ago which has me tripping off both.

1) A family member has just had something horrible happen. All I can say is I'm sorry. I know from experience that is the most annoying shit that you can hear when you are dealing with loss. But what else is there to say? The next on this list of things that piss you off, but if you were raised with manners you just kind of accept from people and curse them out in your mind. Are you alright?/How are you doing? What the hell do you want us to say, that we are right as the rain? Fuck that shit! Do I look alright motherfucker! How should I be looking since obviously you work for the fucking police now!

2) A person that I consider a friend, others that I call friends, and even family, has released a book. I just read some of the excerpts and feel... That is all I can say. I, as well as others have faced death. But what can you say to a man or woman who had to do it on a near constant basis. 'That you understand' That shit alone should get you slapped if not worse. Even if you have been through something similar, the duration was not nearly as long. Others seem to have forgotten our troops that were fighting in Iraq. I refuse to go off on a political tangent! They were fighting for their lives every time that they breathed over their. that in and of itself is some scary shit. What can you say to them now that they are home and are having troubles readjusting, or suffering from PTMS. Shit I am a rock i think and I might have cracked.

Anyway, just venting over things that I cannot control, yet...

When in Danger, or in Doubt...
Run in circles,
Scream and Shout.

R.A.H.

A Bunch of Really Dumb Smart People!

So I'm sitting around with friends on the New Year weekend, happy new years to all that I haven't spoken to, and we are discussing many issues in a casual forum. And I realize exactly how fucking different we all are.

Of the same token I see that we all pretty much have the exact same flaw; we do not heed our own advice.

Now what does that say about a group of people, myself included, that I find intelligent. I sat there and thought that some of the things that we disagreed over fairly mundane. Oh we disagreed passionately, but it was still mundane. Because in the end, we are pretty much all that each other has as far as trust and deep friendships. That of course begs the question of how close a few of us still are? I wish that I could claim that I have not let some of my close relationships wane, but that would be entirely too close to a lie.

Again, I ask what makes really smart people not sit back and listen to themselves sometimes? And should I as a concerned friend try to make them see this? Or any of the other reason that we spout of half-rhetorically to each other?

I realized that I am to ambitious and they either do not share them or they find them pointless. I noticed that one friend does not listen to himself talk, or he would be doing a great many things different with his life. The other doesn't take the advice proffered, though maybe unsolicited. And i don't get up off my ass and do the things that I know that I should be out doing. I have a lady-friend whom i care for deeply. Yes I know, hard to believe right coming from Mr. Sensitivity himself, but I do. She has recently made me an offer to come live with her, mate with her, and resubmit my genetic uniqueness upon the populace. A highly tempting offer, some of the details that we have discussed I will not go into, but let's just say the proposition is more than favorable in my direction and leave it at that.

Yet I find myself sitting here, on this stupid computer, typing away all my current concerns for hearth and home. Why am I not on the first thing smoking the hell out of the burg. Is it fear? Is it uncertainty? Is it that i know that I have been in love twice already before I was even 24, and know that I have only one shot left? Why am I afraid to risk it?

Some might speculate that it is a fear of the unknown. Others will swear that it is the fear of being hurt by a woman again. Funny thing is, no woman has ever been able to hurt me, I won't allow it. All the pining that you all have witness the Merc with a Mouth doing was self-inflicted. Does that even surprise any of you? That is one that I want you to answer even if you if you don't comment on anything else.

Well I am out, going to do damage to the world at large now, newly motivated.

Peace

Settling Down

That's right, your favorite merc is thinking of trying to find that one woman to spend the rest of his life with. I have absolutely no idea how to go about it. I have once again stopped chasing after women, so my bed should start getting colder any minute now. Then again, we all know that it takes a while for magma to cool.

I have a new prospect, a young woman named Vanessa, she is cute, about 5'5", 120 lbs, shoulder length blond hair, slim waist, and an ass like a black girl. Now what man would not be interested in something like that. oh, I failed to mention that she is a hacker, going to school locally for programming and biz admin. Two worlds that I live in wrapped up in one woman.

And the funny part is, she came on to me. She lives in Bellefontaine, not far from me at all, and we work at the same place. Next week we are going to start car pooling to save on gas. We plan on going to Wild Country in Alton tonight. I also will take her to this club that my bro Reggie took me to over there before. I want to see how she moves on the dance floor for real. I have to leave Kristine and company at the casino about 10pm tonight in order to hook up with her. She also loves to drive fast, and can actually handle it well, we already broke 110 mph in her car. talk about a whirlwind two weeks.

Anyway, Later peeps, more as my life develops.

When in Danger or in Doubt,

Run in circles,

Scream and Shout.

R.A.H.

Ponderings

This is funny, while I am currently away from Q-Town on a matter of personal importance. Everyone seems to have lost their minds. Why is that? I left a group of people that I trust the most in charge of my baby, in hopes of building bridges, as well as a start up for something much greater. I can not tell you of this now, it would ruin the surprise and not let me obtain my ultimate goal. I have been given an assignment from a friend, to find a game programmer, so if any of you are out there and happen to read this,, leave me a way to contact you in the comments.

Anyway, I am continuing on my journey of understanding. My current goal is to understand myself, and my relationships to others. Weird, I thought I knew myself better than what I am discovering. I find myself getting involved with someone that I probably shouldn't even give the time of day. Already she is talking about hooking up on a more physical level, and this was one day after meeting me. Now some would say that this is my ego talking, but I could forward the e-mail she sent me. It was subtle, but brought her point across nicely. "but if we do hang out I will defenitely not be drinking cause you drink to hard of drinks for me and all my friends to handle!! (lol) anywayzs,my friend kasey wants to know if you have any friends that you could hook her up with cause she needs sum booty just as bad as I do lol!!!" This is an excerpt from the e-mail for all those nay-sayers. Now what should I do. Take her up on her offer and smash it, and get one of my friends to smash her friend Kasey. I mean really, if this was four years ago, I would not have hesitated to have them both. Now I am having moral quandaries about one. Let alone the hook-up she is asking me for. What should I do my friends, do I go for it? Is that right for me to do. She is younger than me, and definitely not ready for what I can do to her heart and her mind. And no phoenix, she is not a minor, just younger. And yes, that was my ego talking in the sentence prior to the latter. I usually talk to Shark or The Voice, or both, about these kinds of situations. You guys know the kind, when I actually have moral dilemmas outside of my normal guidelines. I am just not sure either of them want to hear it or deal with my petty dilemmas over their own great tribulations right now.

I am ashamed to say Dante, but my little venture in Kosher food, well, it didn't work out, again. I know, I am at risk of losing my players card, but hey, women can be strange creatures. She said that she just wants to enjoy being with me without all the attachments of a relationship. I explained that I never look for relationships, but sometimes they just happen. She said " all I want is to fuck my brains out, then dive back into school like before." This was her invitation to her holiday "feast" that I received. I don't mind being used, just tired of the same old same old. I know, a major case of the SSDD syndrome there, but that is the way it is. Learning that I like to choose who gets the chance to use me is strange. She knows what I can do to her, she likes it, but can I live up to whatever hype she has created in her mind from a few months of high tensioned passion.

Anyway, I am off to the Alliance, a rpg sim online that I joined at the behest of our esteemed firebird Pheonix. Till next time.

PEACE

Q

When in Danger or in Doubt,

Run in circles,

Scream and Shout.

R.A.H.